After The Game v Bulldogs - With Snaps Truly

One thing I learnt during my recent confinement at the Sanatorio per gli Illusi in Florence – the Sanatorium of the Deluded – was that there is no point me physically banging my head against immoveable objects or praying to Deities or shaking hands with someone in Hell in the hope of altering the course of destiny.

Indeed, back in 2013 on Grand Final day, I’d promised the Devil my first born child – a truly delightful girl – if he would ensure a Docker premiership. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but surely it was worth the punt?

It was. But as happened all day, the kick faded and missed to the left. If you see my daughter, tell her I am sorry.

Anyway, today I was determined to watch the ebb and flow of a fascinating and important match at Docklands with a cool, composed sense of detachment. I reminded myself, “I am but a witness here.”

And I liked what I was witnessing.

It was an intriguing contest. Closely fought, dominated by the backlines, but highlighted by moments of individual brilliance from Jamarra Ugle-Hagan and Michael Walters, who would each finish with four goals.

And there was much at stake too. If either side was to consider its top eight claims legitimate, victory today was crucial.

Trailing by 11 points going into the last quarter – Freo kicked the first two of the term. And when Sean Darcy dragged down a mark and kicked the goal which gave us the lead – I felt no tension, no fear for the future or the next clearance, just the delicious light of the moment. Of the now.

So, when did I start hearing the voices of doubt again?

Oh, I’d say, about a minute later I think – when Rory Lobb emerged from the bowels of nowhere, where he’d been resting for most of the afternoon – to unleash a bomb that tailed back at the last and gave the Bulldogs the lead.

For some reason the picture grew shaky, the screen began emitted a loud thrumming sound and my eyes began to twitch.

I could just make out the piercing white smile of Cody Weightman, as he snatched a particle of time and space and kicked another goal. Oh, how I hated that smile. So good and kind and engaging, it makes mothers across the country feel a pleasant if disquieting warmth within.

And then the room started to spin.

Suddenly it filled with a conga line of Eagles supporters led by Julie Bishop, holding Premiership Cups. Into my eyeline came a raucous collection of laughing clowns wearing Kepler Bradley masks. There was a knock on the door. I stumbled over to answer it. And there stood Andrew Gaff, who collected me with a left hook to the jaw.

I went down like a sack of spuds.

I only emerged from my torment when the siren sounded and Archie the Schnauzer began barking at the television. He’s never liked Bulldogs; he reckons they are slovenly, jowly mouth breathers, whose owners have the same silly bow-legged gait.

As my head cleared, a sad but undeniable reality was restored. Fremantle had lost again.
The finals campaign pretty much dead and buried as the Bulldogs piled on seven of the last eight goals of the match.

There was nothing to be angry about. Everyone tried. No one was terrible, although the Champ, who was substituted out of the game in the last quarter, looks to have a right leg made entirely of damp cardboard, such is the ooziness of his kicking.

Credit to Lachie Schultz who produced stunning moments of almost bloody-minded determination. Credit too to Liam Henry who collected even more possessions this week than last, but the Bulldogs were too strong, too adept when it mattered and they moved into fifth place on the ladder while we lost our grip.

I think we are done for 2023.

I know the team will not wave the white flag, but I think I must.

I might hate reality, but it is better for one’s health than trying to impose one’s will on the universe.

* By our multi-talented and amazingly insightful footy scribe, SNAPS TRULY. Snaps has seen and done it all. He may or may not have been a fringe player at Fremantle. Who knows? Don’t miss Snaps’ report after each Freo Dockers match throughout the season.

** In case you missed SNAPS’ and his fill-in Grumbles’ other match reports, here they are.

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